If there has been something, we all seem to have had ample time to do recently that’s think (and clean!). Aside from the seemingly endless list of housework and general #adulting that we no longer have adequate excuses not to get done, lockdown has given me a real opportunity to slow (right) down and take stock of my life and how I really feel about it.
I’ve been taking the time to imagine my life as a Marie Kondo style set of drawers, taking out each element of my life and analysing it – “do you spark joy?”. I have to say that fairly alarmingly I found several things which firmly didn’t: the feeling of a packed schedule, constantly running myself ragged endlessly trying to stay on a ‘progress’ treadmill that actually was leading nowhere fast and trying to be everyone’s everything. Pre-lockdown I felt exhausted to be quite honest with you and it’s been a really lovely time to slow down and most importantly not feel guilty for it. Not worrying about letting anyone down for not going for that drink or for not packing in a hectic schedule at the weekend for fear of wasting that precious free-time.
I came to realise that most of what had my throwing my Marie Kondo metaphor trousers into the bin was living my life for the pleasure of others and not putting my needs high enough on the endless to-do list. Doing something simply because I wanted to hasn’t been something I seem to have done in a while and I tell you what I feel amazing! Reading a book at midday, because I feel like it. Going for a run at 3pm, because I feel like it. Calling a friend at 10 am whilst still in bed, just because I feel like it.
Connecting with loved ones has been a real joy and a solid rock on which I build my new quieter days. Asking meaningful questions and actually having the time to fully concentrate on the responses has been an eye-opening experience. I've been told many times in my life that you just need to slow down Char, stop rushing around so much and you might feel better! It seems in my old(er) age I might actually be beginning to heed those wise words.
With the lockdown inching closer to being lifted, I feel a strange sense of anxiety mixed with the absolute elation that we might be able to see friends and family soon. An anxiety about what this ‘new normal’ might hold and how much I don’t want parts of life and society as a whole to go back to the ‘old’ ways. I like this slower, kinder pace of life and I intend to hold onto it.
I’d love to know if anyone reading this feels the same? Drop me a comment you know you want to 😉.
See you next time,
Char x